It’s important that we remember our loved ones who have died. Remembering our loved ones is important. We learn to have a new relationship with them and keep their memory alive.
I find it difficult to write about Remembrance Day partly because my husband was in the army, and we awoke at 3am to arrive at the service by 4:30am. I also cry every single time I hear the last post played. It’s also sad to think of the death and destruction suffered during wartime and how it changed so many people’s lives.
Why It Began
At the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month, 1918 is when fighting ceased on the Western Front. This became known as Armistice Day worldwide.
There was a ceremony each year on the 11th of November, for two minutes at 11am to commemorate this. The name was changed from Armistice Day to Remembrance Day after World War II by the British and Australian Governments because it was now to honour those British and Australians who died as a result of all war.
Today We Remember Them
It’s imperative to remember those who’ve died. This statement is not true for all people who are grieving, however some find comfort in remaining connected to a loved one after they’ve died. This was a concept put forward by Klass, Silverman and Nickman in 1996. This theory was called Continuing Bonds which explained and normalised many people’s behaviour.
Some of the things they found people were doing:
- Keeping clothes of their loved one
- Talking to their loved one
- Coping with grief better over time
- Connection with their loved one matured and changed over time
Quotes That Help
I love these two quotes from David Kessler, a grief expert:
“When they died, you didn’t stop loving them. And they didn’t stop loving you”
“Grief doesn’t end because the love doesn’t end”
I always tear up with this quote, attributed to Banksy:
“…I mean, they say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing, and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time”.
I couldn’t imagine not speaking about my loved ones who have died. I want to keep their memories alive because I love sharing stories of them.
Let’s keep our loved ones memory alive.
What You Can Do Now
What you can do now to continue the bond and because I know you remember them every day.
It’s okay to:
- Let others remember them
- To share who they were with new friends to continue their legacy and keep your loved one in your life
- Talk to your loved one and let them know what’s going on in your life
- Honour them by living your life so they’ll be proud
- Include them in celebrations
- Write letters to them
- Write your memories of them in a journal, scrapbook album, etc.
My Final Thoughts
- Grieve the way that’s best for you
- Don’t let people tell you how or what you should be doing
- Don’t listen to anyone who says that you’re doing it wrong
- Take care of yourself
- Seek professional help if you want another point of view that’s non-judgemental and unbiased
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