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I often think many people out there don’t know how to deal with their grief on Mother’s Day because there’s always that dreaded question, “What are you doing for Mother’s Day?” and your mum has died. People don’t realise that there’s many others who no longer have their mum with them. It feels awkward when that question is asked and you don’t know how to answer it. You can simply say, “My Mum is died and I’ll be celebrating her differently to how you’ll be doing it. Would you like to hear what I’m doing?” (Further down the page there’s some examples of what you can do on Mother’s Day to commemorate her).

My Mum is no longer with us, she died on Christmas Day 2015 and now I do things differently. Mother’s Day is bitter sweet is bitter sweet for me. I won’t see my Mum but I do celebrate it with our daughters’ families and it’s really lovely. We have a wonderful day making memories together.

The celebration

Mother’s Day is to celebrate mums all over the world. It’s a day of telling Mum how much she means to you. Starting off with a lovingly made breakfast in bed with little cherubs sitting next to her with excitement in their little heads. Mum’s going to love the burnt toast, butter and lavishly spread vegemite. It’s really incredible but mum smiles sweetly, chews slowly and appreciates the efforts of her children. It creates such beautiful memories.

We all have memories of Mother’s Days that went something like that when we were little.

We grow up knowing that mum will always be there, knowing that she’ll guide us, teach us some amazing things, tell stories of her young life over and over again. Something you miss when she’s gone.

I love the way Stevie Wonder spoke of his mum.

“Mama was my greatest teacher, a teacher of compassion, love and fearlessness.” 

So much to miss when Mum dies

There’s so much to miss when your mum dies. She’s always on the other end of the phone when you need her. You call for advice, you want to tell her about your day and suddenly she’s not there. You still pick up the phone to call her because that’s what you’ve done every day for years but she’s not there.

The bonds you formed with your mum will never be broken, even by death.
What Mother’s Day means to someone whose mother is no longer with them.

The dreaded month before Mother’s Day

About a month before Mother’s Day advertising starts, the T.V.- commercials are filled with “Mum will love this because she’s done so much for you over the years, she’ll really appreciate it”.

All your friends start asking,” What are you doing for Mother’s Day” and then you see That look” on their face when they remember your mum had died. The conversation ends and your friend walks away, both of you feel uncomfortable.

Fun Fact (But not really fun)

A study in 2007 found that daughters are more negatively affected by the death of their mum than sons.

Daughters are more likely to:

  • Binge drink
  • There’s a greater decline in self-esteem
  • There’re lower levels of personal growth

My message to all you daughters out there:

  • Be self-compassionate
  • Notice how you’ve changed since your mum’s death and take good care of yourself

How to deal with grief on Mother’s Day

Make Mother’s Day easier for yourself by:

  • Writing your mum a letter and let her know what’s been happening in your life and how much you miss her
  • Send another mum flowers, tell her what you appreciate about her support for you
  • Create a collage of your own mum
  • Watch movies that your mum loved
  • Make her favourite meal
  • Enjoy the memories of your life together

 

The Wrap Up

You can do Mother’s Day however you want. Talk about your mum, share memories, remember her the way you want to, not all siblings have the same memories of Mum and that’s okay.

Know that you’re not alone and the memories of your mum will be with you forever.

Hit reply to this email and let me know what you do to remember your mum on Mother’s Day.