Mother’s Day is coming up more quickly than I’d like it to. It brings up so many memories and emotions for me and is often a struggle to get through the day.
Mum died on Christmas Day 2015, she was 85 years old.
She had dementia and for a long time she didn’t know who I was. She rarely called me by name, I was “The coffee lady.” When my eldest daughter would visit her, Mum would introduce her, as “This is my daughter Cait”.
I remember the first time that I knew Mum had no idea who I was. I walked through the door, she was sitting in her chair and when she looked up I saw a huge smile come across her face. She said, “I’m so glad to see you”, she walked toward me, and she grabbed me and hugged me tightly. She said, “I’ve been waiting for ages to have a cup of coffee, I haven’t seen you for so long”.
While we were walking to the coffee shop she asked me where Cait was because she hadn’t seen her for years. It was a strange feeling that Mum didn’t know me but in a weird way I was okay with it. She was always excited to see me and I loved seeing the excitement on her face when I went to visit her.
That’s the thing that I miss about Mum. I miss her smile, she lit up the room with her smile.
It’s been almost six and a half years since she died. I still miss her and think about her every day. I’m sure there are many people reading this who miss their mum this Mother’s Day (and every other day of course). Remember you’re not alone, their memories live on in us.
My brother my wonderful tormentor (said with love)
This is a photo of my mum and my youngest brother at the coffee shop in Mum’s nursing home. Mum was in care for the last few years of her life. She absolutely loved it. I remember when I first took her there to stay, she said with joy, “Oh Cait, I love this. I’ve got my own maid and personal gardener and everyone’s so nice. It’s wonderful here.” I was relieved that she loved it so much and the staff were loving and caring. They really loved Mum.
Now to get to the tormenting bit – my brother, I love hime dearly, however he loves teasing me. Toward the end of Mum’s life my brother and I would visit Mum together, as the conversation had become difficult with Mum. There was a lovely coffee shop on the premises of the nursing home and my brother and I would walk Mum up there. It was great exercise for her because she’d do anything for a coffee, I mean who wouldn’t? Right!
I remember this day vividly. The three of us were seated waiting for our coffees to be served and Mum turned to my brother and asked, “Where’s Cait? she never visits me anymore, I haven’t seen her for years.” My brother laughed, looked straight at me and said, “I don’t know Mum, she’s really strange now and I don’t think I’d recognise her if I saw her either.” I was sitting across from the two of them, he was laughing away at me and I just laughed with them. I knew Mum loved me because I was her coffee lady, she recognised every time I visited and that made me so happy. I got to see her beautiful smile every time she saw me and I’ll always have that memory.
What you can do to remember your mum this Mother’s Day:
- Share stories of your mum
- Look through photos
- Visit her favourite place
- Write her a letter to catch her up on what’s been happening since she died
- Make sure the next generation knows who she was, so they can carry on her memory
Mum’s are such wonderful people and we miss them immensely when they die. It doesn’t matter how old you are at the time of her death, she leaves a big hole in your heart and life.
Honour your mum this Mother’s Day and remember her.